Searching for the Pony

Today, we removed everything from the RV and moved it into self storage.  ­ The damage was even worse than we originally realized.  I think the last few days of stress finally got to me as I was rooting through the debris to salvage our belongings.  I cried for a long time, saying good bye to the RV we dreamed about for so long and that we both worked so hard to make a nice home.  I think it’s like going through the stages of mourning.  I bounce between sadness, gratitude, disbelief, anger, confusion, questioning, planning the future, missing the past, replaying the accident in my head, wondering why the officer didn’t just go around us…  I know this is normal and in the grand scheme of life, this is just a little bump and not important.

I also know I’m supposed to be learning some new lesson from this experience.  I really work at trying to rise above difficult times in my life, to step outside what I’m going through and think hard about the good I can get out of some difficult situation.  Like an improved character or insight that can help me in a life evolving kind of way. Maybe this time, my opportunity here is to develop even more fortitude and tenacity.  Or maybe it’s to readily accept what is or how to adapt even more fluidly to changing circumstances.  Or how to be at peace even when things are a bit of a mess.

Our destroyed RV :(

Ultimately, after I have my little bout of crybaby-itis, I always come back to “No one got hurt, we’re all OK and that’s what matters.”  Plus we’re still 2 of the luckiest people to be doing this trip at all.  Others might still wish for the ability to take such a trip even with this major mishap.  So, in some sense, who am I to complain.  But I know these oscillating feelings are normal too.  And I know I’ll find that lesson that is uniquely for me in this mess, if I keep looking.

Flour and trash are all that remain after removing our stuff.

I’ll end with a story, many of you I’ve worked with may have heard.

“A boy is crying as he sits in the middle of a room filled with toys.  There’s a hobby horse, train set, puzzles, trucks, drums and lots of video games.  A man asks the boy why he’s crying and the boy wails, ‘Because there’s nothing to do here.’

A second boy goes into a room filled with poop.  The poop is piled very high.  The boy is wading through the poop, digging around, pushing it to the side and all the while, laughing joyfully.  The man asks the boy what he’s doing and why he’s so happy.  The boy smiles and says, ‘With all this poop in here, there’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!’”

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